TRANSWHATEVER

Back in the day, when normal was the norm, as kids we were told that we could be anything we wanted to be – with hard work and a good education. The meaning then was that we had potential and with drive and direction we could better our life position. Why, we could move from poverty and the housing projects to our own homes. We could take an entry level position with a company and advance to mid-management and perhaps even upper management by paying attention to the needs of the company and fulfilling those needs; by doing more than the minimum required.

We were told that anyone can be president. That has now been proven true even if the rest is just B.S.

Today, and for the past 30 years or so, kids have been taught that they, too, can be anything they want to be. Teachers say, “You want to be a freshman in high school even though you can’t read your own name or divide a three digit number by a two digit number? Not a problem kid, you got it! We’ll whisk you through high school and get you on Welfare right on time”.

In the same few decades, we have seen children so confused by their parents, their teachers, their politicians and their medications that they don’t know if they’re geniuses or dolts. Some don’t know if they are boys or girls or multi-gender mutants. So we let them be what they want to be. If that causes greater confusion and low self-esteem, we give them their own “gender neutral” restrooms and consider them a special protected class so they can be equal. No confusion there!

You can now attain celebrity status through surgery. You can be anything you want to be. Bruce / Caitlyn Jenner is proof of that. Perhaps it was his athletic notariety that brought so much attention to her new look, but superstar status has recently been regained after it had otherwise faded.

If body art is the choice, youth and young adults mutilate their bodies with piercings and ink work in the name of recognition. They can change the way they look and the way others look at them. Let’s call this transdermal. Then they can claim descrimination because employers won’t hire them, get their own special class and be awarded compensation for their disability.

Now it seems that if you don’t like your heritage, you don’t have to accept it. You want to be a native American? POOF, so be it. Just ask Elizabeth Warren. I guess she calls herself transethnic. Born caucasian and want to be in the special class of African-American? That can happen too. Rachel Dolezal got away with it for a while. She’s called transracial.

So, if you play your cards right, you can be a founder for national holidays, parades and celebrations named for your particular anomaly. Transethnic, transgender, transdermal parades and parties might add holidays throughout the nation.

Create your very own transclass.  Who wants to be the first transpodous and get thousands of Facebook likes?  Simply have an orthopedic surgeon extricate those forward facing feet that have bothered you so much and reattach them facing backwards. Maybe even swap left and right. You won’t stub your toe anymore and you can put Michael Jackson to shame with your new moon-walking ability.  Don’t you, too, deserve 15 minutes of fame?

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